There was the first time you had sex, your first kiss, your first date, your first day of school, your first day at a job, driving a car, swimming in the ocean.
There was the first time you ran a race, the first time you bought a house … Most of these things were firsts that happened so long ago that they no longer seem relevant.
You become socialized and learn to impose emotion controls and issue restraining orders on your feelings. There are clear benefits to concealing some emotions, but there are also costs.
While it is at times necessary to keep certain emotions out of sight, it is harmful to try to keep them out of mind.
You extinguish your anxiety, fear, and anger for the sake of being pleasant, nice to be around – and in the process of getting others to accept you, you reject yourself.
When you keep emotions in – when you suppress or repress, ignore or avoid – you pay a high price.
The first note is always the loudest.
How quickly each feeling seems to fade as you adjust your expectations and protect yourself by gradually tuning out the world.
Sometimes you reach a point where you can’t feel anything at all. Just a ringing in your ears – until, like Beethoven, you find yourself pounding the keys of your life to feel anything at all. Trying to make the ground thunder below your feet.
Makes you wish you could look around with fresh eyes and feel things just as powerfully as you did when you felt them for the first time … Before expectations. Before memory. Before words.