I never have the best of luck with relationships so I just have given up on trying to find someone in my life to keep me happy, until one night when everything changed. That name that I will never forget and to this day brings me happiness and sadness all at once.
We started that night with what I thought would be just having casual sex but it turned out to be making Love. Immediately after I never thought anything of that night; I just thought of him as another man. As I was driving home the next day it hit me that I actually had feelings for him and he felt the same way. We instantly connected, same sense of humor as me, and basically just the same personality almost.
After that day, I knew that maybe I had another chance of being happy with someone. But I certainly did not know what I was getting myself into. Not being in a relationship I was scared of being hurt and let down. But this man changed everything I thought of. I was the girl who wanted to always take things slow get to know them and just progress from there. He made me feel as if we have known each other forever, and he changed me in ways nobody else has ever done.
He became my best friend, my lover, my husband in a matter of days and I still do not regret that. We become so close so quickly, and it was crazy. I was always there for him and came over two days, three days, four days out of the seven days of the week to his house. It did not matter what we did, just watching TV, going to dinner, going to the nightclub or hanging out with his little baby girl, I was just as happy.
I became not only so close with him, but I became so close with his little baby girl as well so every time I was over they felt more and more like a second family to me than anything else, and I cherished that so much. This man became my everything in just a matter of weeks. I was the happiest I have been in years and I was loving every second of it. We were the perfect Duo; I had him; He had me.
But, just like in every relationship, we had our days, we had good days, and we had bad days. The good days were my favorite, laughing and smiling without a care in the world because we had each other. But, the bad days, they really tore me apart. My day was ruined when we fought. A few weeks go by and we started fighting more than usual over really dumb things, and it just progressed into this huge thing that we both knew we could not save.
I knew it was coming to an end, but in my heart, I could not let go no matter how much pain I was in. Then one day it was just over and I never felt my heart break more than it did that day. I forgot all this time how it felt being heartbroken but this, this pain I was feeling was something so much more painful than just a regular heartbreak.
I did not just lose my best friend but I lost myself in the middle of all this sadness. I forgot to love myself as well. I tried to hide it as best as I could but always ended up at night just crying myself asleep wishing for all the good times to come back. No matter how hard I tried, I still had a piece of him that I missed when I was with friends.
Every time I see him I can not help but have my heart filled with happiness because it makes me feel like everything is back to normal. No matter how hard I try there is just something about this man that I can not let go of. I always refer to ‘If you truly love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be and if not then it wasn’t really yours.’
I truly did and still do love this man no matter the past and I know that when you really do love someone you never stop and I now finally believe that. There is not a day that goes by that I miss him more than words can describe and wish him the very best of luck in life even if that means me not being with him.
But the most important thing for him is to always and forever know that wherever life may take us in separate ways or back together that I have and always will love him.