You do not have a clue about the underlying forces that drive your behavior. These underlying forces that drive your behavior are actually your values. Your values are some of the most important things in your life if you want to live it with purpose. Otherwise, you will regularly feel stressed, frustrated, and purposeless.
You have allowed certain behaviors to be implanted into your life that are not important to you; they have worked for you at one time. You had a short-term pleasure from this or that behavior or you may have received certain recognition and attention for these behaviors. You did them again and again, until they formed a habit.
Now they do not work for you anymore. You are stuck in these behaviors because they have become automatic. They are fixed in your life as a habit. Once a habit is formed, you do not realize it is there. You still get the short-term reward for the habit once in a while, but more and more often it is causing discouragement and anxiety in your life because it is not really what you want to be doing.