I never thought I would come to this moment of longing for someone I never ever want to miss again. I kept saying ‘I don’t miss you anymore’ then the next thing I know is I am already staring at nothing.
I kept staring at nothing, I stared at walls, at ceilings and even just at a rock thinking of all the ‘What if’s’ that could have happened to us.
Am I just lying to myself all the time? Or is it just my mind playing tricks on me? Why do I always see your name? Every movie that I watch, every stranger that I just knew owns your name.
My feelings are killing me every time your name comes up or your voice from some place I do not know enters my ears or your scent that has placed some kind of uncomfortable memory in my brain.
Why are you doing this to me? Why are you hunting me?
I just wanted to tell you I missed you but somehow my mouth has a mind of its own where it can open whenever I plan on telling you everything. I wanted to tell you how empty I am, how empty I was.
I wanted to tell you how scary the World got when things and even people get really bad. I wanted to tell that I missed every moment I had with you, every hug you gave me, every song you sang to me and just everything about you.
I have this anger inside me that is taking me away from you. I, myself, am taking me away from you. Because I know that you are someone that will never ever love me the way I loved you. I think I hate you.
I hate you so much because you have turned me into this person. I have got a hundred or maybe even a thousand reasons why I should hate you. Yes, I have all the reasons to hate you but … I love you.