All mystics have taught you that Love is not to be sought; Love is what you are. Love is what is here in each and every moment. But today you seek Love in intimate relationships; in fact, you have made the words Love and relationship almost interchangeable.
The expectations you have today towards your partner are an all time high, you expect from a single person now what we used to receive from an entire village. You want security, passion, you want to be met emotionally, intellectually, sexually and even spiritually while you are looking for transcendence and self-discovery.
Relationships are the mirror in which you see yourself, as you are, with your reactions, your trauma, your fears, your loneliness, pain, grief. Relationships are your crucible to awaken, to grow to truly know and be yourself. But seeking and pretending to love somebody who matches your long checklist of requirements for being met is a fantasy, it is not Love.
If your happiness exists only because someone loves you you are suffering and will be continue to suffer because doubt will always be present, you will fear to lose this Love, you will fear betrayal, you will live in doubt. It will not last, maybe it is not real, what if it could be better …
And with these thoughts in the back of your mind you live in doubt, fear, you forge false expectations and you will leave your partners not because you are unhappy with them, but in the ephemeral hope that you can be happier with someone else tomorrow.
Love and intimacy are not conditioned upon your needs, expectations and fantasies.
I think we are apt to forget that our Society, the culture in which we live, where we have been brought up, which has conditioned us, is the result of Human endeavor, Human conflict, Human misery, Human suffering.
And the two: The culture and the individual and the community is each one of us – we are not separate from it. To feel this, not as an intellectual idea or a concept, but to actually feel the reality of this, one has to go into the question of what is relationship; because our life, our existence, is based on relationship.
Life is a movement in relationship. And if we do not understand what is implied in relationship, we inevitably not only isolate ourselves, but create a Society in which Human beings are divided, not only nationally, religiously, but also in themselves and therefore they project what they are into the outer World.
I do not know if you have gone into this question deeply for yourself, to find out if one can live with another in total harmony, in complete accord, so that there is no barrier, no division, but a feeling of complete unity.
Because relationship means to be related – not in action, not in some project, not in an ideology – but to be totally united in the sense that the division, the fragmentation between individuals, between two Human beings, does not exist at all at any level.