Well, I’d like to be more consistently here, you know. I’d like to really get on … I’d like to just … and I know it’s not probably maybe possible but because it’s so improbable and so impossible, I’d just like to really see how long I can last as being really here, you know, really in it, really alive in the moment, you know.
I’d like to just be more here all the time, and I’d like to see what I could get done, what I could do if I really didn’t cloud myself with automatic, you know … if I were able to not get distracted, to not let … to not change channels in my mind and body, you know, so I’d just, you know, on my own channel, you know, it is just really here and always with you. You know, but you can look at me and go ok, he’s there, you know. There is someone there.
And I could, you know how it is when you look in the mirror and you don’t think about it but you look in the mirror and oh there is that guy, you know. And you catch yourself like what you were … the state you were in when you looked in the mirror, you know.
And you can make a face and kind of toughen yourself up or handsome yourself up or whatever you do but when you catch yourself in that mirror, you see the states you are in, you know, like who … Are you happy? Are you sad? Are you confident? Are you rosy? Are you beleaguered? Are you here?
You know and most of the time you are not. You are just like, oh, oh. It’s almost like you want to look away, because it is like that is not me there. That is what I am doing right now but that is not necessarily me. And I would like to go … I would like to see what I could do.
I got sort of a drunken phone call from a friend of mine’s sister. I really like her. She’s funny because she’s really funny and she drinks a lot. She called me in the middle of the night and I was like, oh boy you ever get someone to call you in the middle of the night but she was so charming and she was so lovely and she just kept saying, you have no idea how much you could do, Bill, if you could just … you can do so much.
And I’ve never had anyone talk like that. And it was funny because it was like a drunken phone call in the middle of the night … it was really like it came from the other side, you know and it felt like it. It was sort of like, you know, a voice that was sort of intoxicated, it was like, you know, one of the visionaries, a visionary speaking to you in the night and coming to you in your dream. And, you know, I hope to remember that kind of thing, you just try to remember those things, those .. that encouragement.
Well, it resonated, rang a bell inside of me. A bell that rings a lot that says, ‘Remember, Bill. Come back. You know, Remember. You know, Remember. This is your life. This is the only one you have got.’ As we always say, ‘Well, brother, this is not a dress rehearsal, this is your life. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is your life.’