Twelve Rules for Life / Zwölf Regeln fürs Leben / Doze Regras para a Vida / Doce reglas para la Vida

Suffering is built into the structure of Human being.

Although it can be unbearable, people have a choice either to withdraw, which is a suicidal gesture or to face and transcend it. It is nice to think the meaning of life is happiness, but what happens when you are unhappy?

Happiness is a great side effect. When it comes, accept it gratefully. But it is transient and unpredictable. It is not something to aim at because it is not an aim. And if happiness is the purpose of life, what happens when you are unhappy?

Take responsibility to search for meaning above your own interests. Accept the terrible responsibility of life. Rise above victimization and conduct your life in a manner that requires the rejection of immediate gratification, of natural and perverse desires alike. Focus on the next minute rather than the next three months.

Stand up straight with your shoulders straight. Most Humans are complete bastards left to their own devices. This proves there is a God who wants us to have order. Order is masculine and chaos is feminine. Therefore to move towards order, we all need to man up.

Happiness is pointless. We are all on this Earth to suffer. So learn to suffer like a man. Not everyone can be rich and successful, but try to be less of a failure than you already are.

Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping. The story of the garden of Eden shows that we are all touched with original sin but you have a choice.

You can either seek heaven or be dragged down into hell. You have a shameful, sinful nature but make a bit of an effort. Stop waiting for other people to dig you out of your pitiful hole.

Befriend people who want the best for you. We are all Human beings. Just some of us are better beings. Learn to tell the difference. Some people are beyond help.

They are merely exploiting the willingness of good people to help them and will drag you down to their level. So stick with the winners. If people are determined to screw up, let them. They are nothing to do with the divine purpose.

Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not the useless person you are today. You are never going to be that smart, so do not compare yourself to someone who is.

Start by getting on your knees to pray. Even if you do not believe in God. Atheists are merely people who are blinded to the true way of being.

Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them. Remember that children are born with original sin and have a huge capacity for evil.

They are not innocent beings. They need discipline if they are going to grow up to be worthwhile Humans. Slap them if necessary, do not listen what the lefties say.

Set your house in order before you criticise the World. Remember the story of Cain and Abel? Well, read it then. Abel was a schmuck who deserved to die and Cain was not quite as perfect as he thought he was.

He deserved to die, too. We all deserve to die. So stop moaning if someone is richer and better looking than you.

Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient. Life is suffering. Buddhism and the book of Genesis tells us that. There is no easy way round this. So quit looking for short cuts and start reading Nietzsche.

Tell the truth or at least do not lie. To be honest, I am scrabbling around because my publishers tell me I need 12 points. By telling you the truth about this, I am an improved being. Certainly better than you.

Assume that the person you are listening to knows something you do not. Quit moaning and listen. I know things you do not. So do not expect me to listen to you.

That is not the way things work. I am here to make you feel better about yourself by telling you things you already know in a way that makes you feel clever.

Be precise in your speech. Confront the chaos of being. Things are going to be terrible. Oedipus killed his Dad. You may well kill yours. Get over it. Face up to the real horrors of the World.

Do not bother children while they are skateboarding. Liberals are turning boys into girlies. Let boys do boy things and girls do girl things.

There is nothing wrong with men having all the best jobs and women staying home to look after the kids. So back off, ladies, and give men a break.

Pet a cat when you encounter one in the street. We are all going to die. Probably painfully. So just make the best of what you have got.

If you see a cat, stroke it. You might feel better. Though probably not. And if there are no cats, pet something else. Like a dog.

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